Hooman said that it was time we went on some sort of adventure holiday. We looked at all the usual brochures… Butlins? Nah. Centre Parks? Nah. Camping in a field? Nah. How about we go to the Amazon and check out how splendiferous the river is there? I heard it has some strange beasts to eat!
Off we toddled. I brought The Wally with me as the Amazon is a far away place, and I may get hungry.
As an apex predator, I always take my prowling and staring very seriously… It’s what gives me my ability to spot a flutterby at 20 paces. My camouflage is second to none, as you can clearly see in this pic, (or not, as I am so well hidden against the undergrowth)
We hath arrived. The Amazon, hooman said, is very far, far away, but we walked here pretty quick. I must say, it has a distinct resemblance to the river back home that we go to. The Amazon even has an angry weir just like at home, except this one must be angry in a different accent.
Hooman decided that we had been walking so long, he was going to take of his wellies and put his stinking legfingers in the water. This instantly made the river downstream undrinkable. Fish may have died.
We put on our adventurous hats, and ventured out to an island in the middle of the river. It consisted mostly of pebbles, but hooman said some of them may be dinosaur eggs, so tread carefully. We could have eggs for breakfast, maybe? A Tyrannosaurus Eggs?
Life is full of risks. In order to get to the other side of the island, I had to pass the restricted area around hooman’s wellies. A genuine risk of serious debilitating illness if the wind changes at this particular moment… here goes nothing…
I don’t know what it is about The Wally. His undercarriage always gets damp, but he stays dry on the top. He always has stalactites dangling down from his tummy covered in either water, or mud. Today was no exception… He had been for a dip in the water, and took great pleasure in giving himself a good shake when I got near.
Hooman said the water upstream is safe from any footfinger toxins…
Hooman then mentioned the Piranha…
I wonder if Piranha are edible? We could have a nice little BBQ with some fishes as our ‘special guests’. Hooman was unsure who owned the chair on the Island. He speculated that maybe the previous inhabitant died of being munched on by piranha. Maybe he was king, and he raised taxes, and so everyone left? All that remains is a bedraggled old throne? Maybe there is a fee for being on this island? We decided to scarper.
The Wally isn’t the sharpest tool in the box. After being told about the dangerous snappy piranha fish, he waddles his way through the water . Not me… I have to devise a plan. No nibble fishy with teeth will nibble on my toes! No siree!
Halfway across I shouted “A PIRANHA NIBBLY TEETH FISH THING!” and The Wally hurried up. At least he isn’t deaf.
So, how does a little black panther make her way across a might rainforest jungle river? Well, first you have to tiptoe your way around the edge. This takes finesse and lots of bravery, as I, for one, hate getting wet. My toes are now damp. Damnit.
Right… I think I have a plan. It involves standing on a very small rock, on the water edge…
Then JUMPING! Out of the way hooman!
Phew. made it. I thunked a nibble fish would leap out and nibble my toes mid-flight! I made it to the stepping stones, so just have to toddle my way over.
The stepping stones are dry, which is good. The horrible mossy stuff is really slippy when wet. If I fall in, I’ll be swimming for a bit until I get out downstream. It’s a bit like Deliverance without any risk of having to squeal like a pig. Hopefully there are no rednecks about.
Wait… Hooman… Are you sure that is a rock? It looks like it has a weird little face, staring at me. Is it a crocodile? IT IS, ISN’T IT? Oh, I will leap in and get me a crocodile!
[It’s a rock, Numps, trust me]
Oh. You sure?
[Yup}
OK. Over I go then…
1-2-3 and almost there!
Right… Time to just sit here and watch The Wally get eaten by nibble fish from the safety of the bank. I may even catch one for my supper whilst they are munching on The Wally’s foot…
Until next time, folks! Remember, to retweet all the cat rescue tweets you can, from wherever!
THE MEANDERINGS OF NUMPS 
You do have amazing adventures, Numps!!! Not sure about the wet feet though!!! MOL
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What an adventure, Numps! We can’t believe you went into the water.
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I got my feet wet, and everything!
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You have the most exciting adventures! My brother used to love walking in the water but we only have a stream, not a river. He might not have liked paddling in a river as much. I think you were right and that was a crocodile, but luckily he was sleeping.
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Meow bootyful Numps you are quite da jumper and adventurer. Dat sure looked like fun.
Luv ya’
Dezi
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numps….yur storeez R price less 🙂 dad shuld rite a book, we wood bee furst in line ta buy it ….though we wood bee in line across de big pond online….line……????? any way…… we R glad noe purr rana attacked ewe, wally ore dad…. & we R az glad …..noe fish N what knotz died…down streem… 🙂 we hope ya DID find sum dino eggs & had quite de snax !!! heerz ta 12 poundz oh ham….till next time ♥♥♥
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People have said I should put my ramblings in a book, but how on earth does a cat do that?
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You definitely should write a book Numps, it will require you to train your hooman to do your bidding. You are very good at training I think.
Was this the day that you had the kittens Numps? You look so slender and lithe, not up the duff at all.
Hope being a Mum is suiting you fine sweetheart
Love & purrs
Mungo & Jet & the Tragic Ape xx
PS: The Wally looks mighty well, despite the stalagtites! hehe
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WOW Numps……my friends the Tabs of Trout Towne said you have some pretty exciting adventures and to check you out and I do believe they were RIGHT! How exciting to cross the Amazon without being eaten alive by those bitey fish. Purrrhaps having the dog with you is a good idea – as you say – bait!
Hugs, Sammy
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😸
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So brave, damp paws too! Riding the Wally’s back a risk too far?
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The Wally is too easily spooked. It would be like riding an angry, yet bewildered bull.
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Things could be worse, you could be strapped into a rucksack!
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/travel/travel_news/article-3530217/Picture-purrfect-intrepid-cats-Instagram-prefer-outdoor-adventures-like-KAYAKING-sitting-home.html
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Marvelous. Wish we’d been there. Sage thinks Numps must be related!!
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I am related to all awesome cats!
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Such a cool adventure,xx Speedy
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Hi Numps, we just read your interview at Dash Kitten and thought we’d drop by. So glad we did as we really enjoyed your post today!
We love adventures and often have the most bizarre ones ourselves.
Wishing you a supurr purry weekend
Basil and Co xox
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Thanks for the nice message! Adventures are fun…it keeps the hoomans on their toes.
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Footfinger toxins! Fish may have died… OMC! Laughing our heads off,
PS. can you adopt us??? We’d luv the adventure! All we do is eat, sleep, lick and stare out the boring window. Purrrty pls!!!!
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Hooman said “more cats? But you are trouble enough without multiplying my headache” or something… I wasn’t really listening to him.
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MOL 😹😹
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