Hooman said that it was time we went on some sort of adventure holiday. We looked at all the usual brochures… Butlins? Nah. Centre Parks? Nah. Camping in a field? Nah. How about we go to the Amazon and check out how splendiferous the river is there? I heard it has some strange beasts to eat!
Off we toddled. I brought The Wally with me as the Amazon is a far away place, and I may get hungry.
As an apex predator, I always take my prowling and staring very seriously… It’s what gives me my ability to spot a flutterby at 20 paces. My camouflage is second to none, as you can clearly see in this pic, (or not, as I am so well hidden against the undergrowth)
We hath arrived. The Amazon, hooman said, is very far, far away, but we walked here pretty quick. I must say, it has a distinct resemblance to the river back home that we go to. The Amazon even has an angry weir just like at home, except this one must be angry in a different accent.
Hooman decided that we had been walking so long, he was going to take of his wellies and put his stinking legfingers in the water. This instantly made the river downstream undrinkable. Fish may have died.
We put on our adventurous hats, and ventured out to an island in the middle of the river. It consisted mostly of pebbles, but hooman said some of them may be dinosaur eggs, so tread carefully. We could have eggs for breakfast, maybe? A Tyrannosaurus Eggs?
Life is full of risks. In order to get to the other side of the island, I had to pass the restricted area around hooman’s wellies. A genuine risk of serious debilitating illness if the wind changes at this particular moment… here goes nothing…
I don’t know what it is about The Wally. His undercarriage always gets damp, but he stays dry on the top. He always has stalactites dangling down from his tummy covered in either water, or mud. Today was no exception… He had been for a dip in the water, and took great pleasure in giving himself a good shake when I got near.
Hooman said the water upstream is safe from any footfinger toxins…
Hooman then mentioned the Piranha…
I wonder if Piranha are edible? We could have a nice little BBQ with some fishes as our ‘special guests’. Hooman was unsure who owned the chair on the Island. He speculated that maybe the previous inhabitant died of being munched on by piranha. Maybe he was king, and he raised taxes, and so everyone left? All that remains is a bedraggled old throne? Maybe there is a fee for being on this island? We decided to scarper.
The Wally isn’t the sharpest tool in the box. After being told about the dangerous snappy piranha fish, he waddles his way through the water . Not me… I have to devise a plan. No nibble fishy with teeth will nibble on my toes! No siree!
Halfway across I shouted “A PIRANHA NIBBLY TEETH FISH THING!” and The Wally hurried up. At least he isn’t deaf.
So, how does a little black panther make her way across a might rainforest jungle river? Well, first you have to tiptoe your way around the edge. This takes finesse and lots of bravery, as I, for one, hate getting wet. My toes are now damp. Damnit.
Right… I think I have a plan. It involves standing on a very small rock, on the water edge…
Then JUMPING! Out of the way hooman!
Phew. made it. I thunked a nibble fish would leap out and nibble my toes mid-flight! I made it to the stepping stones, so just have to toddle my way over.
The stepping stones are dry, which is good. The horrible mossy stuff is really slippy when wet. If I fall in, I’ll be swimming for a bit until I get out downstream. It’s a bit like Deliverance without any risk of having to squeal like a pig. Hopefully there are no rednecks about.
Wait… Hooman… Are you sure that is a rock? It looks like it has a weird little face, staring at me. Is it a crocodile? IT IS, ISN’T IT? Oh, I will leap in and get me a crocodile!
[It’s a rock, Numps, trust me]
Oh. You sure?
OK. Over I go then…
1-2-3 and almost there!
Right… Time to just sit here and watch The Wally get eaten by nibble fish from the safety of the bank. I may even catch one for my supper whilst they are munching on The Wally’s foot…
Until next time, folks! Remember, to retweet all the cat rescue tweets you can, from wherever!