How I came to be at hooman’s house, and other stories…

It was a dark, stormy night…

Actually it wasn’t. It was a lovely sunny morning, but that doesn’t sound anywhere near as dramatic. My brother, Batman, and I have been on the run from the Catstapo for some time now. Hooman has no idea about the criminal past we emerged from, but what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. Also, he may revoke my ham ration if he ever found out.

It was July the 17th 2014 when we first darkened his doorstep. There was no invitation, we simply decided that it had a lovely, warm, and easy to access shed roof thing and we were tired. We also saw other animals, so figured he can’t be a complete psychopath.

So, that was where hooman discovered us that morning, curled up using each other as a pillow, atop the shed roof.

Curled up on the roof, rudely awakened in the morning by the hooman.
It was soon discovered that hooman was a soft touch. There was ham, water, gravy, and sometimes little treats in a rattly plastic box. There were also rivals for these treats. A calico cat called Smudge, and 2 dogs. (2 dogs, dammit!)

The curmudgeon, here seen warning off crocodiles, and moths.
The curmudgeon, here seen warning off crocodiles, and moths.
Smudge was a bit of a curmudgeon. Hooman is unsure how many decades this grumpy old lady has roamed the earth, but she likes to scowl at me, especially when I try to jump on her. She leaves us alone, and we endeavoured to annoy her. I named her The Cursmudgeon.

The dogs were a mystery. The Wally was a black beast, and although he had a ferocious demeaner, he was in fact a daft ape, and a massive dope.

The Wally was unsure about the new arrivals, as they tried to steal his treats.
The Wally was unsure about the new arrivals, as they tried to steal his treats.
The other dog was something from a Harry Harryhausen film. He was 3 stories high, and made entirely of fur, and slobber. The Ted-Bear was a massive behemoth, but like The Wally, soft as shite.

Ted the Harry Harryhausen stop motion creature.
So, Batman and I appear to have obtained ourselves a furrever home. It is a bit of a zoo, but we have trees, land and stuff to play with.

The Numps looking down on her minions.

The Batman plotting some sort of caper.
So, being a cat, I am new to this whole blogging thing, so we’ll see how it goes…

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5 thoughts on “How I came to be at hooman’s house, and other stories…

  1. LMAO! Love it! Have a house and barn full of rehomed feral cats myself, so these cat tales go straight to my heart. Oh,and two Collies posing as Shetland ponies.

    Liked by 1 person

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